What Not to Say

I’m 19 weeks pregnant, almost halfway through, and I’m feeling fine. Other than a growing belly and an unusual penchant for housecleaning, I have very few pregnancy symptoms. My front yard has never looked so good, thanks to those pregnancy nesting hormones.

But I must be getting some pregnancy moodiness, because I am creating my own collection of Things Not to Say to Pregnant People. I have become fascinated by these kindly-intended rudenesses.

#1: Folks, I know that my body resembles Jabba the Hut right now. You do not need to pretend you haven’t noticed. “Really, you’re pregnant? I just thought you ate a big lunch” is not a compliment. Really, it’s not.

#2: When I tell you that I am pregnant, this is not an invitation for you to tell me your pregnancy horror stories. Most of the time, I believe that Americans don’t talk enough about the griefs of miscarriage, and most of the time, I’m honored when people tell me about personal tragedies that are usually kept quiet. Most of the time, I think it’s important to share painful stories. But not right now, okay?

#3: Would you say, “You can’t eat THAT” to anyone other than a pregnant woman or a very young child? What makes you think you can say it to a pregnant woman? I’m a grown-up, I’ve read the research, and I’m still going to eat cheese and sushi and, very-very-occasionally, some heavy-on-the-chemicals foods like tuna or snowcones.

Okay, now I’ve run out of things at item 3. I guess it’s my bad luck to have generally incredibly sweet friends.

Dear readers, I expect you probably have even more hilarious things that well-meaning doofuses have said to you. Leave me some comments.


2 responses to “What Not to Say

  1. Tracy

    I am shocked by the number of people who have responded to news that I’m having a third with, “Are you crazy? Why would you want to do that?” It’s not funny, just rude.

    • elewinnek

      Oh my goodness, Tracy, that isn’t even close to funny. It’s crazy how thoughtless people can be. I don’t have the guts (or the ability to carry off sarcasm), but I would be tempted to reply, “Oh, you’re right! Thanks for telling me. I’ll stop right now…”

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